Damn, I don’t even know how to start telling you this.
I wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, even if you don’t know it and don’t even want to hear it and care about it.
So, it goes like that: when I first came here I was a nobody, or you can also call it a ‘troll’. I never got to know anyone a lot so I don’t have a lot of memories here. But at least I know you, and that makes me feel different. You changed me.
You showed me a side of myself that I have never known before, although you’re not the first guy whom I fell for ‘truly madly deeply’. The feelings that simply burst when I see you are totally different than the usual ones. Maybe that’s why I can’t forget you, even if I always say I want to. I admire your intelligence and your shyness, even if you often disappointed me, and I wish we had more things in common.
I always thought you were the dumbest guy in school because you’re almost 17 and haven’t had a girlfriend yet because you’re so shy and not that sociable and talkative. But I wondered why so many girls like you, and I found the answer. This shield you’re wearing for protection makes girls think you’re innocent and very sweet, and a lot want to take it down.
I may not be one of those girls, because I know I don’t have the strength to do it and I’m sure you don’t even want me to be the first.
So I’ll just do everything I usually do: go and hang out with my friends and walk round the football pitch, so I can see you training or hanging out with your friends, playing football. Everything that I have told you should be forgotten and so should be my attempts of having you for myself.
I thought that summer is going to be totally different, because there’s no school and no rules. But I know what kind of person I am and I know I have a lot of weaknesses and no strength points. You made me see the real me, the loser me, the coward me, and I thank you for that. Even if we share only an occasional ‘hi’, you showed me who I am, and I got very disappointed.
We should just go on and pretend nothing happened. Everything is going to be ok!